Get ready..

Get ready...we're comin back in August. :) #Godishuge

Where is Your Faith?

2 Corinthians 5:7
"We live by faith, not by sight."

I think far too often we miss out on God's goodness and blessings simply because we don't believe he can.  I myself have doubted some of the biggest movements of God in my life, and if I wouldn't have eventually taken the faith jump, I doubt I would be as close to God as I am.

People hate change, we hate our fears, and we hate stuff we can't understand.  

Ironically, that is everything God is.  He is constantly moving and active, ready to do the next big work in our lives (if we will let him.)  His name cancels out fear and so he lovingly desires to walk us through our fears to bring us closer to him and help us overcome fear with love.  And finally, his mysterious majesty is what makes him so beautiful, so powerful, and so wonderful to gaze upon.  Deuteronomy 29:29 says there are some things about God that we simply will never understand, and I think that's beautiful!  Wouldn't you be easily bored with a God you fully understand all the time?

The great thing about God is you will never figure him out, and you will eventually learn he has no set way of doing things.  Fallen humans and society give us rules, guidelines, and orderly social structures, not God.  God never said we have to do things exactly as our older siblings or best friends.  He never said life was going to be easy and without challenge.  Our God is not a boring God!

He begs us to close our eyes and blindly jump with him wherever he calls us.  He desperately longs to take us on the adventure of a lifetime!  In fact, that's what we agree to when we sign over our life to him through salvation.  Sadly, most of us quickly die out on all that crazy adventure stuff and settle for the much easier, less-risky, day-to-day routine that society and Satan are promoting.

Safe and predictable is fine, but that requires no risk, no heart, no vulnerability...No Faith.

If you are a Christian this should make you sick to your stomach.  Why?  Because you are missing the entire point of your salvation.  Salvation was never meant to be fire insurance.  It was always meant to be a commitment of laying down "me" and picking up the unknown adventure of faith, hope and love.

In America I think we have mastered the art of half-doing all of those, and faking that effort itself.  

"If the good Lord is willin' I'll get that new job I applied for!"  These words are often spoken, but is there any real risk in applying for that job, or was it something that person did for his own desires?  Did God boldly call this person to move from one job to the next, or are they tired of the people they are working with?  Has this person stopped to fall on their knees and seek God's will for them in the work place?  Or are they half-heartedly taking God into consideration.  Perhaps we shouldn't claim such things if our heart isn't 100% behind the statement.

I'm with C.B. Matthews on this one, American Christians have mastered the art of being fake, and it makes me sick to my stomach.  Not only am I sick for God, because he deserves much more than one tenth of our devotion, but I am sick for the fakers, because they think they are living a full life and they aren't.  They're safe and happy attending church once or twice a week, smiling and shaking hands with their neighbors and fellow citizens, but where's the Faith??

They don't even realize what kind of adventures they are missing out on by clinging to the idol of comfort and security.  God doesn't call us to that!  He calls us to "GO" and "WALK" and "DO" and "TRUST."  In fact, Bob Goff just wrote a book called "Love Does."  I love his tweets because they cut right to the point.  Faith without works is dead.

But wait, works without faith is dead too.

  

Fake Christianity: Book Review

Do you ever look at the American churches and want to vomit?  I do.  I get sick of seeing people live, breathe and die in a church without ever really dancing with God.  It hurts me to think that they are missing the entire point of our faith.  They do all the rituals, but they have missed the life-changing passion of a relationship with Christ.

In the book "Fake Christianity" author C.B. Matthews discusses this very topic and gives practical advice on how each individual can make a difference.  Matthews uses a direct, punch-ya-in-the-face approach which gives the book a raw passion that breaks through to reality.  Although very convicting, this book is full of truth and spiritual correction.

I was given the book by a close friend who personally knows the author.  The book was so enticing I finished it in one day and discussed the book with my friend shortly after.

Towards the beginning of the book he makes the point that most Christians care more about serving others than serving Christ. I love this quote from the book: "Are you more concerned with watching your nightly television shows instead of spending time with God or doing work for Him?  Are you so wrapped up in life and everything that has to be done that you never have a family devotional with your family?  Do you ever spend time in God's word or in prayer to Him for more than just superficial reasons?"

If  you are looking for a pleasant read that will make you feel good about your walk with Christ, you need to look elsewhere.  This book is challenging and perpetrating to the heart, however this is exactly what American Christians need.  Matthews says nothing that is out of line with scripture, nor does he come across as judgmental or prideful.  He is simply sharing the truth of the Bible with a generation of believers who have overlooked the tougher parts of the faith.

In seven chapters Matthews covers topics such as lies, emotions, actions, and spiritual warfare.  He discusses the fundamentals of walking with Christ and challenges the reader to implement these practices in every day life.  One of my favorite chapters included specific advice for youth, parents, and grandparents.  I had never seen that done in a book before and I thought it was quite powerful, despite the fact that I fit none of these categories really.

C.B. Matthews is director of a small campus ministry in Colorado where he lives with his wife and three children.  Matthews holds a Bachelor's in Psychology and a Master's in Family and Marriage Counseling.  He also attended Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

For a convicting read that will sprout humility and growth, I recommend this book.  I feel that it is appropriate for believers of all ages and I will say that it is a fairly quick read.  You can order "Fake Christianity" online at WestBow Press or Amazon.com (links embedded.)

Article first published as Book Review: Fake Christianity C.B. Matthews on Blogcritics.

The Vow: Book Review

In February of this year I posted an article called "Sacred Secrets Behind the Vow," in which I posted my review of the movie and my anticipation to read the book afterwards.  In that post I mentioned a Fox News article that interviewed the real life couple from The Vow.  In that interview the couple mentioned that their story had been nothing short of an act of God, and they gave all due credit to him, despite the layout of the Hollywood film.

Lucky for me, I have a dear friend who bought me the book for my birthday, and in three days I finished the entire thing and fell much further in love with the couple's story.  As I had suspected, the couple was much more grounded in faith than the movie mentions.  In fact, the book is categorized as Religion/ Christian Life/ Inspirational.  It's a Christian book.

Praise God that this story has made its way into the mainstream literature and film industries.  Spread the word that Jesus is King! 


The story in the book is told from the husband's point of view, Kim Carpenter, which I think makes it all the more powerful.  First, he starts out by explaining how Kim and his wife, Krickitt met each other.  (You have to read this because it will definitely surprise you.)  Their meet-cute displays nothing less than God's sovereignty.  God knows who you will marry, when you will meet them and how.  You don't have to go looking for a mate, because God already picked them out.  Even in the oddest of places and the farthest of cities, if God wants you to be together, it will happen.  Remember that.


After walking through the dating process, engagement, and wedding, Carpenter goes on to explain what happened in the first three months of their married life, and how those events changed their lives forever.  A devastating car wreck left Kim and Krickitt in critical conditions soon after their big wedding day.  While Kim was injured badly, he healed much easier than Krickitt, who had to spend many months in therapy and rehabilitation.  Kim describes his struggles, faith, persistence, and endurance as he fights for his wife, juggles medical bills, and helps coach Krickitt back to normal.

Finally the book shares the story of Kim and Krickitt's second courtship, engagement, and wedding, and how the media quickly became another huge entity in their lives.  The book ends with the present day story; filming the movie with Rachel McAdams and Channing Tatum, raising kids, and growing closer to God and one another every day.

Throughout the story Kim continuously gives praise and thanks to God, the real author of the story.  I was surprised to find out that the story took place almost 14 years ago, and yet God is still using it for his glory. In fact, the couple published their first book of this story in the year 2000.  It is twelve years later and they just published an updated version--how beautiful!  

Kim and Krickitt's story is one of God-honoring perseverance and commitment.  It shows us the true depths of promising to love someone forever and hold on to that love as long as both shall live.  It models the metaphor of Christ and his love for the church, and the beautiful shower of grace and forgiveness that comes with that.  The Vow is not just a love story, it's a God-story.

For a quick read, a heart-warming story and a faith-filled adventure, I highly recommend this book.  I also suggest watching the movie too and making your own comparison between the two.  Both are fantastic and both are God-inspired.  If you've read the book or plan on doing so, comment your thoughts below!

Article first published as <a href='http://blogcritics.org/books/article/book-review-the-vow-the-true/'>Book Review: The Vow: The True Events that Inspired the Movie</i> by Kim Carpenter, Krickitt Carpenter, with Dana Wilkerson (</a> on Blogcritics.

More Than Happily Ever After

Here's another post inspired by Gary Thomas' book Sacred Influence.  In the ninth chapter you will find this paragraph:

"For some women, marriage is the ultimate life goal--once attained, what's to try for?  When you stop trying to please your man, eventually, by degrees, you lose him; or at the least, you lose the intimacy that leads to influence.  You become someone other than the person he married, and the two of you begin to drift apart."

I agree, and I'd take the first like a step farther.  I would say most women think marriage is the ultimate goal, especially single women.  For proof of this, look at what our brains feast on--

happily ever after...

You see the three dots at the end of that statement?  That line always follows the wedding of the princess, and the three dots give us a signal that the rest doesn't matter.  The important thing is that she won the guy and got a ring on her finger, after that who cares right?

Wrong.  Just like our marriage to Christ through salvation is not the end but the beginning, so is your marriage to your husband.  Don't go too far to think that your life won't begin until marriage, just think realistically.  In married life, life still happens.  You still have crazy roller-coaster days.  You still have nights that you can't sleep.  You still get stressed out with work, and you still want to be alone at times.  Part of marriage is learning to take these challenges head on and love another person through the difficulties anyway.  

As single women, we have got to get our heads out of the sky when it comes to fantasizing about marriage.  It will be fun don't get me wrong, but it will be hard too.  We have to prepare ourselves for a life-long journey of patience, trust, and forgiveness.  This journey starts at salvation, and is taken to a new level with marriage.  

How many people have you seen get saved at a camp or rededication service who get extremely emotional and excited about what God is doing, they make big promises and buy fancy Bibles, all in celebration of this new lifestyle they are choosing, only to fall off the face of the earth a few months later?  Why did this happen?  Because they were caught up in the fluff and not prepared for the real stuff.  Life is tough sometimes.  

King Solomon says we all go through different seasons of life.  "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.." (Ecclesiastes 3)  Godly wisdom tells us to expect all things, and Jesus was very straightforward when he told us the life of a Christian was full of persecution, trials, and tribulations.  So why wouldn't you expect that?  Why wouldn't you definitely expect that in a union of two sinful souls, namely a marriage?

So what can you start doing now to prepare for life?  Maybe it's time to realize it's not all about you, it never was, and it never will be.  Life is about God, plain and simple.  This is the hardest thing a human can accept, but the most rewarding when he does.  Don't let pride and fantasy get in your way, count the costs before you build your house (Luke 14:28.)

Marriage, much like salvation, is something we will always have to work towards.  We are constantly trying to improve our relationships both with God and men, that is what our calling is (Matthew 22:37-40)!  Philippians 2:12-13 tells us we must do this with our salvation: "Therefore, my dear friends, as yu ohave always obeyed--not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence--continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose."

Work out your salvation.

You have to work at it.  That's why without a daily quiet time Christians perish.  That's why life without a community causes us to wilt.  Those kind of actions are active, they are passive, and it's just like telling the devil he can roll over on us while we raise our white flags.  That's cowardly and childish.  Anything worth having is worth fighting for--daily.  It's like Noah says in the movie The Notebook:

"So it's not gonna be easy. It's gonna be really hard. We're gonna have to work at this every day, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, for ever, you and me, every day."

The same guy that uttered those words spent the last part of his life trying to win the heart of his wife--every single day.  Despite her memory loss, Noah spent each day reminding Allie of the love they once shared and how much he wanted to take care of her and be with her forever and ever.  That's what marriage is about, and that's the stubborn intensity we must approach it with.  

2 Corinthians 2:11 

"...in order that Satan might not outwit us.  For we are not unaware of his schemes."

Forsaking God: Like a Postcard from Paris

Last November I did a short series on my "Holiday Theory," which goes to say that Satan seems to tempt us more when we are off-schedule, on-break, and relaxed.  Although I forgot to mention it in the previous post, the theory applies for Summer break as well.  We all seem to stumble a bit at the beginning of a break, and since it is June, I thought I would offer some encouragement on getting back up and "finishing the race." (2 Tim 4:7)

My inspiration?  A country song of course, The Band Perry's hit song, Postcard From Paris.  The song describes the story of a girl who meets a guy while hanging out with her boyfriend.  Because this guy happens to be "the real deal," she realizes that she is "ruined" from dating any other guy.  This "ruining" is caused by the true love she tasted, therefore everything else is just artificial--like a postcard from Paris when you've seen the real thing. 

As I have murmured the lyrics to myself over and over again, I have seemed to catch a greater glimpse of God's grace and the unfailing love he deserves from me.  As a human, I stumble and fall constantly.  Just when I think I have a firm grip on my spiritual life, I mess up--even though I have been warned of this pitfall (1 Cor 10:12.)  The interesting thing about falling is that the closer I walk with God, the more quickly my heart aches when I bring him dishonor.  I think this is because I realize that the sin-causing idols in my life are absolutely garbage compared to the loving relationship I have with my Father.

Before I walked with God I was miserable and I didn't know it.  Now that I walk with God I feel more misery from messing up than ever.  Why? Because I've tasted and I've seen fresh, pure love from the faucet of all love--therefore no idol, no man, no drink, no drug, no object, can ever begin to come close to the real thing.  It's all artificial sweetener.  

John talks about this type of relationship in his letter to the church of Ephesus in the book of Revelation:

"Yet I hold this against you: You have forsaken your first love."

It is interesting that John says this, because the beginning of the letter is full of gratitude and encouragement for how well the church has done.  "Yet," John says, "I hold this against you."  Why is forsaking your first love of Christ such a big deal?  Because the Bible says that God is love (1 John 4:8), and that the first and greatest commandment we are given is to love him with all of our hearts, minds, and strength (Matthew 22:37.)

When we stumble we turn our backs on God for some quick taste of artificial love; an unfulfilled gratification of our fleshly lust.  Fortunately, if you walk closely with God at all, you know that this taste of ignorance is disgusting compared to what you have been raised with.  This leaves your idols quickly looking like:

"... a postcard from Paris
when you've seen the real thing.
Like finding out your diamond
is from her old promise ring,
a call back from the fortune teller
she read your cards upside down...

The meanest thing you ever did was come around.
Now I am ruined."

How delightful it is to know that God has utterly and completely ruined us from enjoying any kind of fake love after having tasted and seen his goodness.  1 John 4:19 reminds us that "we love him because he first loved us."  That, in essence, is the most powerful love drug there is.  Don't forsake God for an idol...it will let you down every time and it's not worth it. 

Sacred Influence: Book Review

Do you feel like you have no idea how to relate with your husband, despite 30 years of marriage?  Is there a communication gap missing between you and your spouse?  Do you sometimes feel up in arms about how to encourage your man spiritually?  Sacred Influence: How God Uses Wives to Shape the Souls of Their Husbands by Gary Thomas is a book filled with wisdom in these areas.  I'd call the book a mix between Love and Respect and Preparing to Be His Help-Meet (I still can't decide if I like that one or not) with a dash more biblical research and doctrine.

In Sacred Influence, Thomas gives advice to Christian women on everything from sex to exhortation in dealing with their husbands.  Sixteen chapters are split up into three main parts of the book.  The first part focuses on the reality that in order for a wife to influence her husband she must first influence herself, and that comes from focusing on God constantly.

The second part instructs wives on how to create a "climate for change."  In this section Thomas instructs women on the deepest parts of a man's heart and all of his insecurities.  Through these lenses, wives can better understand and relate to their husbands.  Finally, in the third section, Thomas focuses each chapter on specific marital issues that Christian wives come across and what the best biblical option is for these women.

Gary Thomas is most well-known for his best-selling book, Sacred Marriage, and the seminars he travels around and teaches based off of that book.  The subtitle and focus of Sacred  Marriage is "What if God Designed Marriage to Make Us More Holy Than to Make us Happy."  This was Thomas' first major book and many other books, including Sacred Influence, were written as a supplement to Sacred Marriage.  

Husband to one and father to three, Thomas lives in Houston where he runs marathons and writes for Second Baptist Church.  He has been wildly successful in authoring many books, and still finds time to love his family even more.  In fact, his wife, Lisa wrote the forward to Sacred Influence.  

As you have seen the last few posts from this week, I have been inspired by this book.  Full of wisdom and biblical truth, Sacred Influence is a good read for any wife or wife to be if they desire to love and support their husband as best as they can.  Although I recommend it for both single and married women, I would at least limit the age to women out of high school with a more mature mind frame in this area.  

I look forward to soon reading the ever-popular, Sacred Marriage and Thomas's latest piece, Every Body Matters: Strengthening Your Body to Strengthen Your Soul.  Gary Thomas is a wise and inspiring author.  Stay tuned for more book reviews!  

Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband-Part 2

A year ago I wrote "Your Desire Will Be for Your Husband," and reposted it earlier this week.  Now I am writing part two to that post.  I was inspired to do this while I was reading Sacred Influence, by Gary Thomas.    In the first chapter of his book he explains the Genesis 3:16 curse much like I did in my first post about this verse.  Like him, I fully agree that education on this verse is absolutely foundational for any and every woman trying to live a life of love with her creator.

We can not heal from our present hurts until we understand the shadows of our past, and we cannot understand the shadows of our past until we understand the shadows of mankind in general, and by this I am speaking of the fall and the curse.  While I would love to dive into the entire creation story, the fall, and the curse, I'm going to keep things a tad shorter by just focusing on the curse.  If you want to read more about the former you can check out Genesis 1-3 for yourself or attend a Divine Dating seminar.

The later part of Genesis 3:16 says this:

"Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."

Last week I heard someone say that the word desire means "control" in the original context.  I have studied this several times and heard several different things, but control is undoubtedly the root of Eve's sin.  You see, woman was created to be man's helper, or ezer as the original Hebrew suggests (Genesis 2:18.)  However, when Eve decided to take control into her own hands by deliberately eating the fruit God told her not to eat, she sinned.  She sinned and brought her husband into it too.  Because of this sin, she cursed her children.  Because of that her grandchildren were born sinners, and thus the entire world is now a fallen place.

And we say women have no power or significance...

If Eve wouldn't have sinned she would have helped and submitted to Adam with gladness and joy in her heart.  She would love to do what she was created to do and she wouldn't have any problem doing it!  But she sinned out of pride, and now she is always bent towards sin.  She is cursed.  The only way out of the curse, for her, or for any of us, is Jesus, the bridge.  John 14:6, Jesus is the only way to get back to perfect communion with God, and it is only through God that we will be at peace with our God-given gender and marital roles (Matthew 6:33.)

Eve's curse was not put in action so that she would be brought to ruin, it was given to her to lead her into repentance and point her back to the lover of her soul, her God, who loved her and came to earth in human form to restore his relationship with her.  Jesus Christ.

Back to Gary Thomas, I have never heard it interpreted this way, but he says that Old Testament commentators, Keil and Delitzsch think that the Hebrew language for the word "desire" in Genesis 3:16 translates as "a desire bordering disease."

A desire bordering disease?!  Whaaaatt....that's intense but honestly I think it hits the nail on the head better than anything else I've heard.  What better way to describe the sad phenomenon of young women cereal dating and giving away their bodies to every man that will have them.  Of course it's a borderline disease, we think about marriage from age 3 and up!  I know girls who had their wedding colors picked out in fifth grade.  We are sickly obsessed with our husbands even while they are no where in sight.  We struggle with contentment in every area of our lives because our happiness rests in one thing, a man, a leader, a guide of our youth.  Husband.  

Well here's some advice: anything you put your trust and hope in besides God is an idol, and idols always fail.  So even when you get that husband you've dreamed of all these years, he's still going to fail you and he is still going to disappoint you, even to the point of tears and heartache.  No man will ever bring you long-term contentment or happiness, that must come from God.

So you may be agreeing with me, but also feeling hopeless about the situation because you, like me, are inevitably cursed.  Good news, if you love God then he will use that curse to your benefit (Romans 8:28.)  That disease you have can be a blessing if you learn to let God control it under his provision.  

• First and foremost you must give this sickening desire to God.  Lay it at his feet (1 Peter 5:7.)  Let go and trust him.  This is much harder than it sounds, but all it takes is faith.  You have to give God your heart in order to give him the desires that go with it.   Think about that first, then reread this paragraph.  
• AFTER you lay this down and decide to blindly trust God with your spouse, singleness, disease, etc., then you can start behaving like a godly wife or wife-to-be.  If you're single like me you can write letters to your future husband, pray for him, and learn to be a trusting, helping, respectful woman of God.  If you are already married then put these issues straight into practice.  Pray for your husband and thank God daily for all the good qualities he has.  Apologize to your husband for making him an idol with impossible standards, and commit to going to the Lord first and your husband second.  God gave us a desire for our husbands...to love them, encourage them, and lift them up--so use it, just don't let Satan twist is and make it an idol issue.  Matthew 22:37-40, 16:33

The other thing Gary Thomas said was that the verse sometimes translates as a "violent craving for something."  That's definitely it.  That's why you see women at bars flirting with all the guys.  That's why she's on top of the stage showing off her goods.  That's why middle school girls steal each other's boyfriends, and it's why high school girls have anorexia problems.  

So here's my question for you: How long are you gonna let that curse control you?  Do you want to heal?  Do you want help?  Do you want the everlasting satisfaction for that problem you have?  Do you want Jesus...forever?

REPOST: Your Desire Will be For Your Husband

On May 25, 2011 I posted this post.  I am reposting it today not only because it is truthful and relevant to every woman's situation, but also because I have written a follow up post for it that I will be publishing Wednesday.  Here you are, enjoy!


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Every woman has a desire deep within to love and be loved by a man.

She also has the desire to be pursued and protected by a man.

However, when fathers and other significant male figures over-dominate or bow out completely, abusing their God-given roles--this is when she seeks love and protection from desperate places.

In Genesis 3:16 God tells Eve what her curse will be for

sinning. He says, "...Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." For this reason it can be said that ALL women have a desire deep down to be loved and pursued by a man. Even the roughest, toughest, and most independent women I know still want the love of a man deep deep down.

Because this is our curse I think it explains lots of things.

1. Our constant craving for romance. No wonder it's a girl thing to watch romance movies, read erotic books, and hope for Prince Charming to come sweep us off our feet. (See more in point 3)
2. Fantasy. Guys may fantasize about sex every point second or so, but girls definitely fantasize about marriage, weddings, and children just as much. Many girls openly admit that the moment he said "I like you," she had already pictured them walking down the aisle, changing her last name, and living in a 2 story house on main street.
3. The heart of little girls. This also helps us understand why little girls are the way they are. While the boys are off shooting guns, saving planet earth, and building bridges (I can explain this type of play later,) the girls are inside dressed in Mommy's old dresses playing tea party, house, or weddings.

As you can see, we were born with this innate desire for our husbands. God gave it to us as a curse for our sin, and it is a struggle we will deal with until we leave this earth. But take heart princess, there is positive to learn from this too!

First of all this should confirm to you that you are not a freak! I know lots of times its easy for us girls to get down on ourselves after a break up or rejection. Think of Jessica Biel in the movie Valentine's Day when she can't even get people to show up to her anti-Valentine's Day party. Often times at this point girls are asking themselves why no one loves them, what's wrong with them, and who needs men anyway? I think Satan uses that to trick us into thinking we are the only single people in the world and that we are the only single people who struggle being single!

This is simply untrue as Gen 3:16 explained previously. ALL women struggle with the desire to love and be loved by a man.

I'm not going to sugarcoat this though--it IS a curse. That is why it is often so painful and uncomfortable for women to be single. We were born with a desire for our husbands. The effects from this range anywhere from eating excessive amounts of chocolate, to depression and bitterness. You are not alone, and yes most people struggle with this, it is in fact, a curse.

So that's all for today, we're all doomed unless we're married. Thanks for reading! :)

Just kidding!! That would obviously be terrible, and I serve a God who has done far to much for us than to make us suffer a life without love forever. If you've been mislead by your desire for love, if you feel incomplete without a man by your side, or if you feel as though marriage is the only escape from the troubles of life--let me tell you, Satan is steeling your joy and there if far greater things available to you in this life.

In John 10:10 Jesus said, "I have come so that they may have life and that they may have it to the FULL!" That doesn't mean he came and died for you so you can lay on the couch feeling miserable for yourself. That means that he came, suffered, died, and rose again so that YOU sister can live an exciting and amazing life found through him!

As I explained in my post Made in His Image, God has amazing and wonderful plans for you--plans that ONLY you can fulfill! He's waiting on you to ask him so that he can show you this full life of love and adventure he has planned for you.

As for love, he's got you covered there too. 1 John 4:8 says GOD IS LOVE. So chase after him, fall hard after him, seek him, and all your wildest dreams will come true. Jeremiah 33:3, Jeremiah 29:11-13, Ephesians 3:19-21 Girls let me tell you, I've tried all the different loves the world has to offer, and NONE of them compare to the love that our God has for us! He made as after all didn't he? Why wouldn't he love us as his children? as his spouse? as his BRIDE? Song of Songs 4:7, 2 Corinthians 11:2, Revelations 19:7-9

Matthew 6:13

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness,

and all these things will be given to you as well."

Staying Pure in College: A Guest Post

Today's guest post is contributed by Angelita Williams, who writes on the topics of online courses. Besides blogging, she loves to travel, listen music and spending time with pets. She welcomes your comments at her email Id: angelita.williams7@gmail.com.

Dating in College: How I Kept My Virginity 

Growing up my parents always stressed the importance of maintaining one's virginity until marriage. It was sinful to do otherwise. That's not to say that Christians who choose have sexual relationships out of wedlock won't get into the pearly gates of heaven. I'm just reinitiating why, since I hit puberty, I planned to keep my virginity intact. Not to mention I was terrified of pregnancy and STDS.

In high school, even with all of these new "racing hormones," I managed to successfully keep my promise to myself and God. But I was never really "tested," if you will—I didn’t have a boyfriend, so the possibility of getting intimate with someone wasn't even really a concern. But when I attended my local state college, the circumstances changed. I was miles away, living unsupervised. I attended parties frequently where alcohol was always accessible; and I started finally dating— something that is extremely hard to do in the "hookup" college culture. While my college years made it a lot harder to keep my promise, I'm proud to say that I earned my diploma with my virginity still in place. To learn how I did this, continue reading below.

1. Have the Talk up Front

I was a late bloomer. I really didn’t grow into my features until the summer right before my first semester of college, so I was thoroughly surprised by all of the new attention I got from men on campus. Since I had only been on a few dates in the past, I accepted most of the invitations I received. I figured that if a man was brave enough to approach me, the least I could do was agree to a slice of pizza. But I learned early on that most college aged men have ulterior motives Simply put, most just wanted my "cookie." But I had a method for weeding out the toads from the princes. I'd simply talk about my faith and my choice to wait until marriage early on in the relationship, it usually came up no later than the second date. 

There were three types of men that I encountered after having a conversation like this: 1) The Runner—He'll say 'that's cool' but then never call back again (good you don't want to date a person like that anyway). 2) The Pretender—He'll act like he respects your decision  to wait but really just sees it as a "challenge" (he'll convince you to give it up late he thinks) and 3) The Understander—he authentically respects your decision and still wants to continue seeing you. To get a better look at each type of guy and learn how to deal with them, we move on to the next tip—

2. Don’t Put Yourself in "Tempting" Situations

Now it's hard to be able to tell The Pretender from The Understander initially. After all, The Pretender will pretty much make it seem like everything is cool—but he'll only keep up the act for a while. If you stand your ground The Pretender will become frustrated and lose interest. Problem solved. The Understander, on the other hand, may respect your decision, but he's still human. The two of you may be doing some heavy petting and then get "caught up in the moment." The easiest way to prevent anything from "happening" is to learn how to prevent yourself from being in "tempting" situations that could lead to sex. This means stopping when things get too hot and heavy, not sleeping in the same bed (especially with your clothes off or in skimpy lingerie—if wearing "granny panties" will stop you from stripping, so be it), standing your ground when he tries to say oral sex is not the same as real sex, or drinking alcohol around your date since it clouds judgment. Alcohol is also one of the leading causes for one night stands; how tragic would it be to lose your virginity to some frat guy you just met? Know your limits.

3. Keep Yourself Active

Last but not least, you don't ever want to be "consumed" with the new guy you're dating.  Make sure to have your own life and do your own thing. Stay active. If the two of you are attached to the hip and you seclude yourself from the rest of your friends, it makes it feel like you're a married couple and may convince you that "it's time." But don't let this feeling fool you: you're not actually married. Doing your own thing from time to time and keeping yourself busy is a beautiful thing and will help you keep your promise—both academically and religiously.

Keeping your virginity can be a challenge, but if it's something that is truly important to you, it can be done. 

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What do you think about Angelita's post?  Can you relate with her struggles and victories?  Do you have your own advice you'd like to share?  Comment below or email me at divinedating.org@gmail.com.  

Loving Through Gifts-pt. 2

Today's post is from a wonderful young woman that you may have heard of before.  Last September I ran a series of posts telling her story of dating, finding Christ, and breaking barriers.  You can find that series here. (When you get to the end of that post click "newer post" to go through the entire series.)

As you can imagine, Alisson has came a very long way since September.  I have had the joy of watching her grow and blossom, and because of this I asked her to share with us insight on her love language..GIFTS!  Check it out below.

"Anyone close to me can tell what my love language is. It’s not necessarily a love that someone has to search for. My love language is blatantly obvious. I love people by giving gifts! Often love languages can almost be genetic by being passed down by the ones you love or look up to. I received mine from my nana who shares the same love by giving gifts as well.

I discovered my love language probably about six months ago. I never knew there was a test one could take to discover how you love others. However, discovering it and containing it are not the same at all. You can still obtain a gift or love language without realizing what it is.

 I soon discovered my love language after I made Jesus Lord over my life. As for those around me, once I discovered my love language it didn’t come to shock them. I love people!! I always have. But once I started loving people as Jesus does, my love language grew exponentially.

I love to give presents!! I love to surprise people and show them I care about them. Due to the fact that I pay close attention to details, I plan in advance. For most people I know what I’m getting them months in the future. The person on the receiving side has to know without a shadow of doubt that I care about them. I often buy things for people for no reason at all. 

Some of my friends get frustrated, but I’m thinking about them and it’s how I show them my love. I would much rather be on the giving end than the receiving end however. I’ve been blessed beyond words and I just want to share it with anyone around me. I love the exhilarating feeling of putting a smile on others faces. It’s often a way that I encourage people.

Taking it further…

As I just stated, my love language comes from giving gifts. However, I've come to realize giving comes in different forms depending on the person. 

The explanation of the word giving encompasses many of the other love languages as well. As I mentioned before, giving can be used as encouragement!

I’ve soon discovered when loving someone, for it to mean anything to them it has to be done in their love language. Giving gifts might be my strong suit, but ultimately that might be not what they need. 

When loving someone, it needs to be done in their love language to grasp the full effect. That’s when people really know you care, because it’s not about the one showing the love anymore. The focus switches to the one you’re trying to love.

Giving can also mean giving time up and making yourself available to the ones that need you. If you don’t search deeper beyond fights people might not understand how you’re trying to love them. They might start to think your just trying to love them by swiping a card and then." 

What are your thoughts on this language? 

 Do you see some of this in yourself, or a friend?

Perhaps this is your main language for receiving love...

Loving Through Gifts-pt.1

Do you love to share gifts with people?  Perhaps you feel the need to buy things for people when you are out and about throughout your day.  Well, today's post is from a brilliant young woman who loves through gifts, and loves well.  I have a big heart for her, and I think you will too after hearing her heart for giving.  Here is Katherine's story.

"My love language would definitely be... gifts! I love giving people presents, and picking things out for people. Gifts can let people know that you’re thinking about them, and pay attention to them. Every time I get someone a present for a holiday or birthday, I ALWAYS end up giving it to them like, 2 weeks early because I’m so excited for them to have it. 

I love getting gifts as well, but I am so shy I hate opening them in front of people! If I am in a room by myself though, and there’s a present just waiting for me, I’m all over it!


 My second result was words of affirmation. I love hearing people tell me they love me. One new thing I have been trying to do often is telling people how much I appreciate them – and I’m really enjoying that! You never know what some simple words can do to change a person’s day. Some people’s love languages is definitely NOT words though, and feel uncomfortable when people shower them with praise, so I try not to go overboard. 


When I told my mom about how I was writing this post for Haley, she told me something that I find so cool. She had 5 kids – 2 boys, then 3 girls. I’m the youngest of them. She read the love languages book when she had her first couple kids. She said that each of her 5 kids had each of the 5 love languages – how cool is that? We are all so different. 


She said she discovered what we each were from the time we were little. It started when she miscarried after her fourth child. She said she was in pain, and her three oldest kids showed her so much love in their own way. 

The oldest was always doing things for her like taking out the trash, and cleaning up messes – hospitality. The next was always saying “I love you, mom. I love you” – words of affirmation. And the third child was always there for her and with her – quality time. The fourth was too young, and I was yet to be born. As we grew though, she figured my sister and I out as well. My fourth sibling was a “clinger”, as my mom put it. She was always hanging on to her leg, and hugging – touch.


 And me, I was always bringing her things. I would go pick weeds from the yard and bring some to her every fay, because I thought they were pretty flowers. She said if I found a puppy, I would force my mom to take it, because I was trying to show her my love by giving her things. 


Our love languages all continue to shine through in the same ways today. God did an amazing thing with my family, and I am so beyond unbelievably blessed to have such loving brothers, sisters, and in-laws, too. I think I could continue for so long about this, but I think I reached my word limit. (; Thank you Haley for allowing me to write this – it really forced me to think about it all more closely and I am so glad!"

How cool it is to think that God can give each of us different ways of loving each other.

I'm sure Katherine's mom has learned so much about being versatile in giving and receiving love throughout her years of family raising.  This is an interesting concept in itself...learning to give and receive for others benefits.  Thanks Katherine!

Loving Through Time

Today's post is from one of my dearest friends.  Perhaps this wonderful woman and I have such a close friendship because we share the same primary love langugage.  Jamie and I can easily sit and talk for four hours at a time, without even noticing the clock!  That's what kind of lover she is. 

You may recognize her name and writing style from some of her former guest posts: Stop Searching, Jamie's Post, and Just Because He is a Man of God... Here is her spill on quality time!

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"HI! My name is Jamie Lynn and I am a friend of Haley Hoover. I am blessed by her friendship all the time! This past week she talked to me about my love languages and why I felt like these were so important in my life. 


My main love language is Quality time! I love it. Quality Time is time truly spent one on one. That means TV off, radio off, all tasks on standby. This kind of time spent face-to-face talking just brings so much joy to me. It’s not a selfish thing because I get joy talking about other people equally if not more than I do talking about myself. It just shows someone loves me if they really set aside time to spend with me… really spend with me. 


I’m not a fan of watching a movie where you don’t say anything but you are sitting right next to each other! I love sitting and having lunch with people. I’m not a fan of surface conversation and love to spend hours having deep talks with people. There is nothing that makes me more refreshed then a few hours with my close friends just talking about God! I don’t know what it is about it but it just makes me so happy to spend time with people. 

I believe that this is the ultimate way that I receive love. I know someone cares about me when they text me an encouraging word, I know someone loves me when they set aside time to hang out with me. I love when people make plans with me to just sit and chill. To just talk… not have to go anywhere… just talk. I love it. I love when someone puts time aside to dig into my heart and find out what really makes me, me! 

Though I am single, knowing my love language is extremely helpful when it comes to friendships and knowing what it is that makes me really enjoy people. I believe quality time is one of the more overlooked love languages. I think that this is just because people can see words of affirmation, service, physical touch, and gifts. People can’t necessarily define or show how to appropriately love a quality time lover!


 I know this first hand watching my sister and my brother-in-law interact. My sister is a quality time love receiver, while my brother-in-law is a service love receiver. It has been influential to me to see how they interact and have learned over the years how to love each other well through their love languages.


It has been extremely beneficial to me to see and learn how to love people who have different love languages. I feel it is extremely important and beneficial that people learn their love language and try to learn their friends and families love languages to know how to better love the people that are special to them." 

God Bless Y’all,
Jamie Lynn 


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Do you think this might be your main love language?

 I can tell I have this primary language because I feel very disrespected when people use their cell phones while eating lunch with me.  Perhaps you can relate?

Intro: The Five Love Languages

In 1992 an author named Gary Chapman published a book called "The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate."  Today the book has sold over 6 million copies in English and it's theories have influenced millions of Christians, marriages, and sermons.

Now the book is published in many different forms, "The Five Love Languages of Children", "The Five Love Languages of Teenagers", and "The Five Love Languages: A Secret to Love that Lasts" and a few others.

Several years ago I read "The Five Love Languages: Singles Edition."  I can honestly say that this book helped me make far advances in my spiritual walk with the Lord.  After reading the book I was far more able to communicate love to those around me, as well as strengthen my ability to receive love in different forms from these people.

I have learned to categorize my Christian friends by their love languages so that I can love them each in their own way, as well as encourage them and support them through those specific languages.  I have also enjoyed watching God shape me into a more well-rounded giver and receiver of each language.  As odd as it may sound, it isn't always easy receiving love in your secondary language.

The author, Gary Chapman, has a doctorate in philosophy from Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary and is now the senior associate pastor at Calvary Baptist Church in Winston-Salem, North Carolina.  He has been married to his wife for over 45 years and draws much experience and wisdom through their relationship.

Chapman has also written many top selling books such as "Love is a Verb: Stories of What Happens When Love Comes Alive", "The Marriage You've Always Wanted", and "Things I wish I'd Known Before we Got Married."  I have not read any of these, but I have personally heard wonderful things about all of them.

As you may have probably guessed, the wisdom from this book and its theory is powerful for people of all relationship statuses.  Singles can read this and begin practicing individual love languages on everyone presently in their lives, and married couples will be encouraged by figuring out their mate's main languages and loving them specifically through that.  Although the original idea was to use the theory to promote healthy marriages, the idea is now so wide spread that most small groups or bible study classes begin with the discovery of individuals main love languages.  All God-fearing people-lovers can gain wisdom and riches from this idea.

Because I want to encourage you to read the book, I am not going to go into great detail about what the book teaches or how it helps you apply the languages, but I am going to introduce you to the five love languages and then present five guest posts from friends who primarily have each of those languages.

The Five Love Languages are:
1) Words of Affirmation
2) Gifts
3) Acts of Service
4) Quality Time
5) Physical Touch


Stay tuned for guest posts from people who specialize in these languages! 

My Hair Identity Crisis

(Written a few months ago...)

"...but if a woman has long hair, is it her glory?"

1 Corinthians 11:15

Some of you may find this humorous (men,) but ladies, I think the majority of you can relate to this post.  For the past 2 weeks...wait, scratch that...more like the last month, I have been trying to decide what to do with my hair.  My last color job was back in December, and so my roots are nearly to my ears now.

Some days I would wake up and just marvel at my natural-colored roots peaking in.  I loved that color!  How long it had been since I had seen a full head of that tint.  Perhaps I should take the time to grow out all of my artificial coloring.  I mean, the half and half hair color is in style, not to mention hipsters.
Do you think God gets mad at me for changing the color he gave me?
How will people categorize me differently?
Am I really a "hipster-earthy" type of person?

The next morning was the complete opposite.  I love being blonde, it's my personality!  I've always been a fun, outgoing type of person, and blonde just always seemed to fit.  Plus, in my neck of the woods it's all about glam, high-hair, and jewelry (see Country Girl post) that type of style did not work well with muddied roots and an unkempt mane.
I think colored hair gives me a more professional look, and since I am entering the professional world, I need to keep a nice outward appearance.
I've always been known as a glamour girl--hair is what I do.
Then again, am I really an outwardly focused person?  I spend 20 minutes in front of the mirror max.


Ahhh this decision was beginning to drive me crazy!  Who knew that something as simple as a color job would take up so much of my free thinking time.  I found myself judging my hair at work, at school, and at church.  What hairstyle will encapsulate all of who I am?  How do I want the world to perceive me?

One night in the middle of this early-life crisis, I was explaining to one of my close guy friends how complicated this decision was.  Profoundly and yet obliviously, he responded, "So this is like an identity issue for you girls, huh?"

Wow.  I never thought of it like that before.  He went on to explain that one of the most insecure women he knows, dyes her hair different colors all the time.  Perhaps he was on to something!

Later that night I really started thinking about his observation.  My first hair coloring was when I was 13--a very insecure time in my life.  I wanted just a few small blonde highlights to fit in better with the girls at school.

9th and 10th grade came with all sorts of pressures and adjustments--including my hair-dentity.  First it was blonde, then red, then dark brown, blue, pink, and green.  I would have loved to go pitch black, but thankfully my mother wouldn't allow it.

After my 10th grade year, God grabbed hold of my heart an worked a drastic life change within me.  One of the first things I was convicted about was my fashion choices, and with that came the mane.  I dyed my hair all over a rich, bold red to signify the new creation I was transforming into.  I was returning to school a different person, and I wanted my hair to reflect that.

Red hair is rare, unique, bold.  That's exactly who God was calling me to be that year.  So for an entire year (which is forever in hair years,) I kept my hair that same bold red color, until Junior prom.  I had to dye my hair to compliment the dress of course!

Senior year is a place of really figuring out where you want to go in life.  Who do you want to be after high school?  Oddly enough, my hair reflected this too.  I returned to a more natural hair color for most of the year, adding only a few highlights for Senior prom.

Two weeks before beginning college, I sliced off ten inches of my infamously long hair.  I was showing the world, and my junior college, that I meant business.  Life was mine for the taking, and that's what I wanted people to understand.

Now my hair is long with hardly any layers--something I attribute to this "city style" I'm surrounded by.  I still don't know what color I want to be, in terms of hair, but I have come to terms with the fact that it reflects my identity for each season of life.

At the same time, I am completely relieved to know that my identity is not based solely on the color of dye I decide to use.  As I explained in an earlier post What is Identity, God is the only place where lasting identity is found.  People, sports, and hair change, but God doesn't.  He is eternal and forever, therefore my identity in him is unwavering, no matter what color of hair I decide to have.

Upon this realization, I prayed.  I asked God to show me the insecurities that were seeping out through my hair.  Why am I not fully trusting you with every part of me?  At this spiritual age and time in my life, I wouldn't think hair-dentity would be a problem, but it is.  "Search me Oh, God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts."  (Psalm 139:23)  I'm yours for the taking father, show me my trust issues.

What do you think?  Am I basing my identity in hair instead of Christ?

Where do you put your identity?

Do you think God wants us to always stay the way he naturally designed us?

What does the Bible have to say about this issue?

"The Room"

This was an email I received and wanted to share with you all.  It's really great!  A 17 year old boy wrote it a few weeks before he suddenly died in a car accident.  It is now being used to change lives all over.

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"THE ROOM"

 In that place between wakefulness and dreams, I found myself in the room.

There were no distinguishing features except for the one wall covered with small index card files.

They were like the ones in libraries that list titles by author or subject in alphabetical order.

But these files, which stretched from floor to ceiling and seemingly endless in either direction, had very different headings.

As I drew near the wall of files, the first to catch my attention was one that read " Girls I Have Liked."

I opened it and began flipping through the cards.

I quickly shut it, shocked to realize that I recognized the names written on each one.

And then without being told, I knew exactly where I was.

This lifeless room with its small files was a crude catalog system for my life.

Here were written the actions of my every moment, big and small, in a detail my memory couldn't match.

A sense of wonder and curiosity, coupled with horror, stirred within me as I began randomly opening files and exploring their content.

Some brought joy and sweet memories; others a sense of shame and regret so intense that I would look over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching.

A file named "Friends" was next to one marked    "  Friends I Have Betrayed."

The titles ranged from the mundane to the outright weird.

"  Books I Have Read," "  Lies I Have Told," " Comfort I have Given,"  " Jokes I Have Laughed At."

Some were almost hilarious in their exactness: "  Things I've Yelled at My Brothers."

Others I couldn't laugh at: "  Things I Have Done in My Anger", "

Things I Have Muttered Under My Breath at My Parents."

I never ceased to be surprised by the contents.

Often there were many more cards than expected.

Sometimes fewer than I hoped.

I was overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the life I had lived.

Could it be possible that I had the time in my years to fill each of these thousands or even millions of cards?

But each card confirmed this truth.

Each was written in my own handwriting.

Each signed with my signature.

When I pulled out the file marked"  TV Shows I Have Watched,"   I realized the files grew to contain their contents.

The cards were packed tightly, and yet after two or three yards, I hadn't found the end of the file.

I shut it, shamed, not so much by the quality of shows but more by the vast time I knew that file represented.

When I came to a file marked "  Lustful Thoughts,"   I felt a chill run through my body.

I pulled the file out only an inch, not willing to test its size, and drew out a card.

I shuddered at its detailed content.

I felt sick to think that such a moment had been recorded.

An almost animal rage broke on me. 

One thought dominated my mind: No one must ever see these cards!

No one must ever see this room!

I have to destroy them!"

In insane frenzy I yanked the file out.

Its size didn't matter now.

I had to empty it and burn the cards.

But as I took it at one end and began pounding it on the floor, I could not dislodge a single card.

I became desperate and pulled out a card, only to find it as strong as steel when I tried to tear it.

Defeated and utterly helpless, I returned the file to its slot.

Leaning my forehead against the wall, I let out a long, self-pitying sigh.

And then I saw it.

The title bore "People I Have Shared the Gospel With."

The handle was brighter than those around it, newer, almost unused.

I pulled on its handle and a small box not more than three inches long fell into my hands.

I could count the cards it contained on one hand.

And then the tears came.

I began to weep.

Sobs so deep that they hurt.

They started in my stomach and shook through me.

I fell on my knees and cried.

I cried out of shame, from the overwhelming shame of it all.

The rows of file shelves swirled in my tear-filled eyes.

No one must ever, ever know of this room.

I must lock it up and hide the key.

But then as I pushed away the tears, I saw Him. 

No, please not Him.

Not here.

Oh, anyone but Jesus.

I watched helplessly as He began to open the files and read the cards.

I couldn't bear to watch His response.

And in the moments I could bring myself to look at His face, I saw a sorrow deeper than my own.

He seemed to intuitively go to the worst boxes.

Why did He have to read every one?

Finally He turned and looked at me from across the room.

He looked at me with pity in His eyes.

But this was a pity that didn't anger me.

I dropped my head, covered my face with my hands and began to cry again.

He walked over and put His arm around me.

He could have said so many things.

But He didn't say a word.

He just cried with me.

Then He got up and walked back to the wall of files.

Starting at one end of the room, He took out a file and, one by one, began to sign His name over mine on each card.

"No!" I shouted rushing to Him.

All I could find to say was "No, no," as I pulled the card from Him.

His name shouldn't be on these cards.

But there it was, written in red so rich, so dark, and so alive.

The name of Jesus covered mine.

It was written with His blood.

He gently took the card back He smiled a sad smile and began to sign the cards.

I don't think I'll ever understand how He did it so quickly, but the next instant it seemed I heard Him close the last file and walk back to my side.

He placed His hand on my shoulder and said, "It is finished."

I stood up, and He led me out of the room.

There was no lock on its door.

There were still cards to be written.

"  For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life." 

  John 3:16